My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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