Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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