Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Randomize
