I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Randomize
