I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
