you didnt know i had herpes?
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
