i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Randomize
