Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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