I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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