Umm I'm too high to move.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
