I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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