By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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