Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Randomize
