I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
