So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
