My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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