I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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