Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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