So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
