connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
