just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
