He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
