I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
