I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
