I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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