I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
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