i love accidental penises.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Randomize
