i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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