new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
