Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
