i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Randomize
