Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
