i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
he thought i was a dude.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
