I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
