That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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