p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Randomize
