I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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