I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
