He is such a slut. More and more my type.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
