the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
My pussy is not your playground.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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