I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Welp...herpes.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
