He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
i now understand why vodka
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Randomize
