margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
