Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
i think my tv is drunk
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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