gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Randomize
