I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
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