youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Randomize
