Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
