Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Randomize
