How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
