Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
