You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Houston, we have a squirter
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
