Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
