Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
