we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
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