fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
