hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
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