Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
