I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
